I have had one of those weeks. The confluence the climax of a journey I have been on acutely since the start of the Lent this year (and more chronically for at least the last six years), and the serious illness of someone close to me has made it quite a week. In addition, as minor players, it is the start of exams and I have the third cold in as many months.
I am done in.
Yesterday was a duvet day.
It was also a day that I went to see my spiritual director. I am still astounded at God’s grace in bringing this particular person into my life.
Now, as I think back over this crazy week of emotional turmoil I realise that I have had not just one, but several safety nets.
Firstly, the email conversation with a friend. A conversation where I can speak my fears and concerns and have them held lovingly. It is a safe place where I could process the stuff in my head out loud and not fear judgement. What a grace!
Secondly, the friend and colleague who simply said – if you need to get on a plane, all you have to do is make me a list of what I need to take care of. And I know her offer was genuine, because I made the same offer to her a little over a year ago. She would have marked my exams herself if need be.
Thirdly, the two people whom I am leading a spirituality course with – I sent them an email just to say I may have a problem. The immediate response was simply thoughts and prayers with you – if I had had to drop the course I could have, they would have made a plan.
Finally, my spiritual director who painstakingly helped me untie and discern my way through the minefield of stuff.
With any one of these safety nets I would call myself blessed – that I have so many – I am astounded. How can this possibly be my life? And yet here I am.
It doesn’t change any of the detail, but it makes it all so much more manageable.