There is a bittersweet gift which comes with inner healing. I begin to see my own patterns of behaviour. I begin to see the subtle yet toxic tendrils which trace their way through relationships.

It’s mildly horrifying, and yet I am able to view myself and my past actions with compassion. I know I had no intent to foster the toxicity. In my desire to connect I occasionally brought a barbed hook to the table. I didn’t know it was there.

I can’t go back and change the past, and I think I am tremendously fortunate that I don’t have many regrets. There are few situations that I would want to handle substantially differently. I see the progression which has brought me to where I am today, and I think the various learnings were necessary.

What is far more important is that this perspective also gives me compassion for others. I see a few people around me who suffer from a similar compulsion and have made choices which have a far more lasting impact than my own. And I recognise that I could have made exactly the same choice if I had presented with the same set of circumstances.

It is deeply humbling and I am profoundly grateful for the life path that has opened in front of me.

2 thoughts on “Healing

  1. As long as we continue to learn and do better when we know better. It takes much bravery to come to this point, Mags. I applaud your soul.

  2. My Spiritual Director shared some wise words with me: You cannot judge the past with the wisdom you have in the present! I keep that in mind when I am tempted to judge my past actions. Yes, understanding ourselves can yield a great compassion for others. Thanks for this reflection.

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