I’m in the midst of a process which has been going on for about three months. At every step along the way I face the choice of continuing on or stepping out. In almost every way shutting the process down would be easier. Because at every step I have to face into interior discomfort.
It has a slightly different flavour at each turn. And I’d be delighted not to have to continue. But at the same time as I lean into the interior discomfort and take the action required – which is usually a conversation with another person I find my interior freedom growing.
Each time the discomfort niggles at the same old, self-defining, wound. I am not triggered in any way. I am just being invited to sit with the discomfort. The remarkable thing is that as I lean into the discomfort and have the awkward conversation it seems to be loosening some of my interior knots.
The net effect even before the process is over is that I feel my old wounding taking a different shape in my psyche. It is no longer so controlling of my identity, but rather just a part of my story. And as that shift happens I begin to get to choose more how I act and react. I feel like I am no longer driven in quite the same way. Rather I have begun to taste true interior freedom.
I pray that through the grace of God that in seeing this process through that the freedom may be both lasting and pervasive.