I write this on the eve of my 40th birthday. But according to my website it’ll be published on my birthday – such is the oddness of living in today’s world!
I sat outside a little earlier watching the wind catch leaves from the autumnal trees sipping a glass of wine. Pondering this decade that has now passed.
My twenties were very much about finding out how to be myself. How to be true to the inner promptings and calling that I felt. I enjoyed living into that with some confidence in my thirties.
But as time wore on, the subconscious scripting which had driven so many of my actions and my decisions was laid bare. And so I think my thirties were about uncovering my inner motivations. It has also been a time of recognising how much of my emotional turmoil gets imprinted in my physical being.
Who knows what my forties will bring – but for today I am grateful for the foundation upon which they will be built.
I am grateful for the career I have built – I am no superstar, but I think I can be proud of the contribution I have made.
I am grateful for my spirituality work – this in many ways has brought many of my closest friends and also has borne significant fruit.
I am grateful for my relationships – as a person who is deeply defended, I am truly indebted to those who have been willing to stand by me and wait until I was ready to be vulnerable.
I am grateful for my family – every family has its own complexity and woundedness, but tonight I celebrate the love and support. Personified for me this weekend in my sweet 23 month old nephew learning to say ‘aunty’.
I am grateful for my education and for my privilege – I have never been unemployed, I have never carried debt other than a mortgage, and I have never had a job that I didn’t want.
Of course there have been struggles – there will be more to come. But for today, I’m choosing gratitude.
The longer I live the more I realise that there is real wisdom which can only be gained through years of living. Whatever I have achieved – I must still turn to the immediacy of today with as much energy as I can muster.
And so on into the next decade – with a deep awareness of my need for God’s grace and the generosity of spirit of all with whom I will make significant connections.
(Oh! Last thing – emergency ‘bubbles’ is a real thing – I keep a bottle of yummy bubbly in my fridge at all times – to be drunk in celebration and in sorrow.)