When I began this blog I quickly slipped into a habit of posting in a particular rhythm. For the most part that has been relatively easy to maintain. I struggled to write once before in the fatigue of the end of the semester.
And I am struggling again.
This time, not because I am tired, but because I am filled with half processed ‘stuff’. Grief over the death of the husband of a close friend. Empathy for my friend. And a bunch of thoughts and feelings around the way ahead. Alongside that a whirlpool of personal stuff. As is perhaps normal for my phase of life I am facing the early childhood experiences which have shaped the way in which I have engaged with the world. It is both challenging and illuminating.
How do I draw a single thread from this morass of thoughts, feelings and new connections? How do I stick to my interior guideline of only posting on that which I have fully processed? I’m struggling to find a piece of solid ground.
As I write that I realise that I have found solid ground in the last couple of days. I have found my footing in two separate conversations with two good friends. One is ten years older than me, the other almost ten years younger. Both listened as I talked through the things that are going on for me at the moment. Both made observations which I found deeply heartening.
I may be in the midst of a thicket at the moment, and the way through may be far from clear to me. But these two friends have somehow reassured me that I have not lost my way. The thicket is just what life has presented to me at the moment.
I am profoundly grateful for the gift of a conversation over a glass of wine.