Fatigue is something that plagues me. I don’t have a huge amount of energy to begin with and I am just beginning to the learn the extent of my own limitations. So fatigue has been an old friend. I understand now that all too often my fatigue is rooted in my emotions. An unresolved issue is the energetic equivalent of trying to fill a bathtub when there is no plug.
And yet, there are days when the fatigue has a completely different quality. It is a fatigue at the end of a long and productive day, where I have managed to face things rather than procrastinate; where I have made phone calls and sent emails that I had been avoiding.
The image of the bathtub is a helpful one. I begin to really see the cost of my avoidance.
And yet in the middle of the day the temptation to say – I’ll get to it a little later – can be so powerful.
On days when I do get it right and I do feel that I have worked a good day I choose to savour the delicious taste of the fatigue of an honest day’s work.
I feel the temptation to wonder why I can’t achieve this every day? It is an important question. And I think it is good to ask such a question when I am feeling reasonably well. I know that fatigue plays havoc with my capacity to discern, and so even in this most succulent fatigue I am not at my best.
So for now I will simply celebrate that I know such days at all. And I will pray for the grace to deal with the things I least want to just a little more timeously!