I am beginning to suspect that growing up or maturing is not what I thought I was.
I had hoped there would come a time when I would outgrow those parts of myself which frustrate me to the core; those parts of myself which I really wish I could set aside.
But I am beginning to think that this isn’t the case at all. Those parts of myself which I struggle with most will be my life companions. As a wise friend commented recently – the real cross we have to bear is pain of living with ourselves!
So where then is the hope?
I think that it comes in two different forms. Firstly, that I am far more able now to put my hand up and own my failures or weaknesses. If this is done as soon as the problem enters the public arena it defuses a whole lot of misery. Secondly, that I am just beginning to glimpse the importance of receiving the compassion of another when I am at my weakest.
Maybe, just maybe redemption is through these very places of weakness. In learning to live with myself I begin to glimpse the truth that maybe nothing is beyond the reach of the grace of God.